Why I know I am a child of God

A winters day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
Its laughter and its loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,
But I’ve heard the words before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I wont disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

-Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

I have always loved this song. When I was young I wondered what it would be like to feel as this person in the song does, making oneself completely isolated from the world.

Today I have had this song running in my head. Potty training stinks. Cleaning up pee stinks. Getting your baby to take naps on his own stinks. Weaning your baby, who really likes to nurse, stinks. Stepping on Transformers and Legos stinks. Loosing your patience over and over and over again really stinks.

Finally, I have a moment for myself, to process my anger and impatience, and this song is going through my head.

So again, I think about what it would be like to be completely void of human relationships and interaction. What would bring a person to feel like this was a positive alternative to life?

Today I wished I was alone. It’s less messy, it’s quieter, and it’s certainly easier to only worry about my own welfare and Love only myself.

Relationships are hard, every single one I have ever had required a lot of work. The ones that are really worthwhile, even eternal, are the hardest and require the most attention. Sometimes my efforts are rewarded, and sometimes I find myself cleaning up pee, literally and figuratively.

Then I think to myself, the one relationship that is ALWAYS rewarding to me is my relationship with my Father in Heaven. The times in my life when I have chosen to nourish this relationship, I have found myself happier. The circumstances around me have not changed; I’m sure there will always be pee to clean up. (Literally and figuratively) But I can now look at my life with a different perspective. Heavenly Father is aware of me.

This is a lesson that I have been learning for awhile.
I’m quite certain the tutelage will continue in 2009.
And for the rest of my mortal life.
I’m OK with that, because I know I am a daughter of God.
Now I have been reminded of that and I feel much better.

Happy New Year.