Two-face the villian and back to school

Most days I feel like the mom version of two-face, that villain from Batman.  I am constantly being torn in two directions, either spend time with my kids who are always waiting for me or spend time on the work that is always waiting for me.  That is why I am so torn with this time of year, back to school.  For some of you, particularly you first-timers, "back to school" may elicit anxiety and sadness.  Your babies are growing up, I get it.  I am a good mom and I really truly enjoy spending time with my kids.  I feel the same way that you all do...to a certain degree.

There is this other side of me, the work-from-home side of me, that jumps for joy at the mention of back to school.  Back to school means that my work can get the attention and the time it deserves.  I don't mean to seem ungrateful, I know that I am lucky to have a flexible job in which I am able to work from home. You see, working from home has a few perks:  1)You don't have to pay for childcare.  2) Depending on the flexibility of your job, you may be able to stop and start throughout the day so that you may tend to the needs of your children.  3)You can work in your PJ's and no one cares.

Sounds pretty good right?  Well let me enlighten you to the darker side of working from home:  1)  Nobody in your house (not even you)  will respect your work time!  Your kids don't care if you are in the middle of balancing an account or making a phone call, they need to get them a band aid for an imaginary wound for the fifth time in that hour RIGHT NOW!  2) What you don't get done during the day due to spending time with your kids, must get done late into the night. Deadlines do still exist.  3) It is pretty hard to respect yourself and your work time when you continually work in your PJ's. 

The worst part though is the guilt that a work-from-home-parent feels.  I feel guilty for working when I should be playing with my kids and I feel guilty for playing with my kids when I know that my work is there waiting for me. See what I mean?  Two-face.

I write all of this not to ask for solutions, I don't really want to change the way things are.  I like being home for my kids and deep down I know that I need to be present in their lives.  I write this mainly to vent my feelings about the situation and to simply say to myself and maybe other women and men that it is "OK".  It is OK to feel happy that the kids are going back to school where they will learn and grow and become more enriched people.  It is OK that I put my work aside for another time so that I can be with my cool and funny kids. It is OK to feel good about the fact that my youngest child is starting preschool and I will have two mornings per week of uninterrupted work time.  Balance is the key and while it is hard to find and different for everyone, it is worth your time to find your balance. 

Lastly, it is OK to feel happy that school has started again for whatever reason that may be for you.

On that note, here are the back to school shots!

Gabe is in a 4th-5th grade split and so far so good.  His comments about the first day were, "It's boring and we do a lot of organizing.  My teacher has a loud voice."  Welcome to the rest of your life little buddy.

Ian is in a 1st-2nd grade split and he loves his class.  His comments about the first day were,  "We're having a bubble party on Friday and today we made magic cookies."  It's good to be in first grade, isn't it?

Simon is in preschool and is the tallest kid in his class.  His comments about the first day were, "They didn't have any trains out to play with yet but we got to use play dough.  I want to stay longer."  Awesome!  I wish it was a tiny bit longer too, and that is OK. 

My return to blogging

Fair Warning: Today I am on a soapbox.  Continue reading at your own risk.

Recently in my church, I accepted a calling in which I am working with the Young Women in my ward.  I absolutely love it!  It is so much fun to be around a group of such bright, intelligent, and funny women.  I have awakened a part of myself that has lain dormant for several years now, it's a part of me that enjoys crafts.  Actually maybe "tolerates" is a better word, I tolerate crafts.  It is a part of me that twice a week get's to giggle and joke and have conversations that would just never take place in my home. It is a part of me that is looking forward to camping and testimony meetings around the campfire!  In this calling I get to be reminded that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I get to be reminded that I have divine potential.  Best of all, I get to be reminded that all women in this world have been given these same gifts.

Because I have this new frame of mind, something has really been bothering me lately. Actually it has always bothered me, but even more so lately.  Why do women, smart intelligent and beautiful women, insist on posting pictures of themselves posing with a giant puckered mouth in pictures?  Call me overly-sensitive, critical, old-fashioned or whatever you want but I do not get the self-portrait with the puckered lips and kissy-face trend!  It's as if you need to exclaim to the world that "I only value myself as much as I am desirable to you!!!" or  "Please see me as a sexual object with no other purpose!!!". 

I find them to be really degrading and in most cases sad and pathetic.  You either look slutty or you are just trying too hard to seem youthful and "hip" because all the cool kids (or your own kids) are posting these pictures.  If you are thinking this then double shame on you!  You have a kid old enough to pose in this fashion and you are too!?! This just makes me feel really sad for you.  It doesn't really show that you have a funny side, that you are fun to be around.  You just look stupid.

You might be thinking, "lighten up Emily, I took that picture as a joke."  or "It's just a kissy-face".  Well I assure you that this is not the message you are sending.  Unless of course in these pictures you are dressed in a black frock and covered from neck to wrists to ankle with absolutely no make-up.  Then I will agree with you, its a funny picture.  I will even make an exception for pictures when an entire group of you, male and female are making kissy-faces.  That is funny, and the intent is much different.  What I am talking about here is those individual pictures of little old kissy-faced you.

Here is my opinion:  Take a look at the picture you are about to post.  Think to yourself "is this something that I am comfortable sending to my dad or my grandpa?"  Be honest!  If the answer to this question is no, then please do not post it.   There are only a few people in our lives who should see us puckered up and ready to kiss.  These people include significant others, children, and grand-children, maybe the French.  Not Facebook friends!

Learn this simple mantra, is might change your life: There's no space for my kissy face (picture).

Rant out.