Why I know I am a child of God

A winters day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
Its laughter and its loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,
But I’ve heard the words before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I wont disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

-Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

I have always loved this song. When I was young I wondered what it would be like to feel as this person in the song does, making oneself completely isolated from the world.

Today I have had this song running in my head. Potty training stinks. Cleaning up pee stinks. Getting your baby to take naps on his own stinks. Weaning your baby, who really likes to nurse, stinks. Stepping on Transformers and Legos stinks. Loosing your patience over and over and over again really stinks.

Finally, I have a moment for myself, to process my anger and impatience, and this song is going through my head.

So again, I think about what it would be like to be completely void of human relationships and interaction. What would bring a person to feel like this was a positive alternative to life?

Today I wished I was alone. It’s less messy, it’s quieter, and it’s certainly easier to only worry about my own welfare and Love only myself.

Relationships are hard, every single one I have ever had required a lot of work. The ones that are really worthwhile, even eternal, are the hardest and require the most attention. Sometimes my efforts are rewarded, and sometimes I find myself cleaning up pee, literally and figuratively.

Then I think to myself, the one relationship that is ALWAYS rewarding to me is my relationship with my Father in Heaven. The times in my life when I have chosen to nourish this relationship, I have found myself happier. The circumstances around me have not changed; I’m sure there will always be pee to clean up. (Literally and figuratively) But I can now look at my life with a different perspective. Heavenly Father is aware of me.

This is a lesson that I have been learning for awhile.
I’m quite certain the tutelage will continue in 2009.
And for the rest of my mortal life.
I’m OK with that, because I know I am a daughter of God.
Now I have been reminded of that and I feel much better.

Happy New Year.

Naughty or Nigh?

Merry Christmas from the Jacobs Family!



Yes, Ian is on the potty. No Apologies, we spend a lot of time there!

And one more...

Mt. Vesuvius

When Gabe was about 5 months old, we were visiting some of our family.
During this visit I entered the master bedroom with the lady of the house. (let's just call her "Jembee")

There resting on her lovely queen-sized bed was something that resembled this:



It was all clean laundry, not folded, just mounted in a heap on the bed.
Forgive me Jembee, but to myself I thought, "How does one knowingly let the clean laundry pile up like that?"

Fast forward 4 years. I now find myself with three young boys, who are particularly messy if I do say so. My husband is particularly clean, which means he frequently changes his clothes that become dirty because of our messy boys. I usually hang out in what some may call "grubbies" because I know that if I change the next thing will just get dirty and then I will be the one washing all those dirty shirts. Gross I know, but it's survival.

The phrase, "compelled to be humble" comes to mind.

Just in case you didn't get the full scope of my clean laundry pile, here are two more pictures from different angles.





Eventually the laundry was all folded, some of it put away, the rest still waiting on the bed there to annoy me and Nick so we have to put it away before we can sleep. Jembee, I am a changed woman! I will now bow at your feet and worship.

Oh, and Gabe helped me fold! He's a good egg that one...